Where is the Johann?


There are many stereotypes about Germans.  They are serious, hardworking, love their vacation and beer... and are quite direct.  A perfect example of this is their relationship to the bathroom.  No frivolous euphemisms are employed in referring to this most necessary room.  No loo, lavatory, restroom or commode.  No nose powdering or little girl's room.  The Germans get right to the point and say Toilette.  "Excuse me sir, where is your toilet?"  One person explained it so - why would I ask for the bathroom?  I don't need to take a bath?  Fair enough!  During our year here, we have encountered some interesting variations in the facilities:



This specimen's circumference is comparable to a basketball.  No lounging possible.  Do your business and move on.  Side grips prevent any shenanigans.

A stage is provided free of charge so you can admire your work before bidding farewell.






                                                            
                                                     I hope you have good aim...












As always, the energy conscience Germans offer two flushing options - for gross und klein (large and small deposits)







And what would a home Toilette be without a personal urinal?  We've seen many homes with a Herrentoilette or Pissoir.  Lid optional.

There is an unmistakeable cultural movement here to get gentlemen callers to sit when they're going klein.  Lots of bathrooms have reminders.

No standing!

 

Istanbul!

Greetings from Turkey - Merhaba!  Andrew and I were able to leave the kids with Andrew's family near Hamburg and sneak away to Istanbul for 3 nights over Spring Break.  Although the capital is Ankara, Istanbul is Turkey's largest city and claims over 13.5 million people!

Of course you can't go to Istanbul and not visit the famous Topkapi Palace, residence to 400 years of Ottoman sultans.  The Grand Harem used to hold the sultan's mother, consorts, concubines and their respective children, servants and the invaluable eunuchs who guarded the concubines.



Islam does not allow the portrayal of Allah or prophets so incredibly intricate tile mosaics developed.  The "Circumcision Room" was especially ornate.






We visited the impressive Blue Mosque and the Fatih Mosque.  No chairs, just carpets and low hanging lights.  Everyone takes their shoes off and women must be dressed modestly. We witnessed an attendant giving a lady a skirt to cover her tight leggings.  Outside, there's an area for the ritual foot wash.  We skipped that bit -- it was 12 degrees!




Several treasures lie under the city such as the Basilica Cistern, built in the 6th century to ensure a water supply to the Great Palace of Constantinople.  The albino carp seemed to draw as big a crowd as the towering columns.

There is an impressive 30 meter Egyptian obelisk which Emperor Constantius had made in Egypt to commemorate his 20th anniversary of power. The Obelisk of Theodosius got it's name when Emperor Theodosius transported it to Istanbul.



Of course, the Romans were here too as seen by the Valens aqueduct which was built in the 4th cenury to supply water to the Eastern Roman capital of Constantinople and runs right down the center of town.





Istanbul is also well-known for its crusader history. 

Hagia Sophia - First built in 537 as an Eastern Orthodox cathedral, the Hagia Sophia was then converted to a Roman Catholic cathedral and then, when the Ottoman Turks conquered Constantinople, it was again converted to a mosque and is now a museum.  All the beautiful golden mosaics were either removed or plastered over.  Luckily some have been rediscovered! 

Emperors were coronated on this spot!

  

Here's Andrew in front of the mighty Bosphorous, separating Europe from Asia.  It was strange knowing we were in a country bordering Armenia, Azerbaijan, Georgia, Greece, Bulgaria, Iran, Iraq and Syria.  Women wearing the full burka with just a mesh eye slit walked down the street past "western" Turks wearing short skirts.  It seems to work here although many have told us that as soon as you head out into the country, more traditional dress/conduct codes apply for women.  Thankfully, there were no political demonstrations during our trip.

Street Food - roasted chestnuts, shellfish and lemon, and Döner!  We had it from different places 3 days in a row.  To our surprise, the Döner here doesn't come with Fladenbrot.  Each time though, it included soggy fries.  Who knew?  

Andrew also enjoyed Turkish coffee

McDonalds delivers?

Ishtar Gate of Babylon in Istanbul's Archeology Museum.  Other gems included the massive, spectacular Alexander Sarcophagus which depicts Alexander the Great fighting the Persians.


Now as if Andrew were not hyperventilating enough, this museum also has the very first written international peace treaty.

No sneeze guards  

Countless varieties ofTurkish Delight

We checked out the Grand Bazaar and the Spice Bazaar.  So many new scents!

No Gideon Bibles in the hotels here...

As our time here winds down, we’d like to share some interesting cultural tidbits we’ve learned from our year in Germany.  Did you know…

House and Home  There’s no “German Chocolate” cake or warm German potato salad.  Here we’ve only encountered the cold version.  An interesting find at the bakery is Amerikaner, which could be compared to a sugar cookie dipped in glaze.   The standard paper is longer and narrower than in the US.  Envelope sizes differ as well and American standard sized envelopes cost more to send. The mailman won’t pick up outgoing mail from your house! 

There are no top sheets on beds and no towel bars as we know them in bathrooms.  Instead towels hang on hooks from their tag.  The towel manufaturers are obviously in on this because all the towels here come with sturdy hang-compatible tags.   

TV shows don’t start at regular half hour increments like 8 but rather 8:15 or 9:55. There are fewer commercial breaks but much longer (10-11 minutes).  Calendars start the week on Monday, not Sunday.  Germans seem suspicious of any drinks that don’t fizz.  Mineral water is added to just about everything and …voilà! It’s a Schorle! Apfelschorle, Weinschorle, etc.

Out and About  There is a noticeable absence of Drive Thrus for banking, dvd returns, library, etc,  not even for postal drop boxes.  We actually have to walk to take care of these errands. McDonalds does however, have a McDrive.   

 In Wisconsin, I learned to orient myself with cardinal directions.  East to Lake Michigan, south to Milwaukee, etc.  German autobahns direct you to cities. Take the A9 to Munich.  There are no billboards cluttering the autobahns, and far fewer  notifications of what’s at each exit.  We’d be lost without the GPS (called a Navi here).   

When two cars meet at an unmarked intersection, the one on the right has the right of way. Even if you're going straight!  Rechts vor links. Your normal radio programming will be regularly commandeered by traffic news to inform you of accidents or people driving the wrong way (Falschfahrer).  And that basket of giant pretzles on the table at the restaurant?  You pay for what you eat unlike the nacho chips in the US.

My Mom is learning how to separate

Verboten!  The spectrum of things you’re not allowed to do in Germany runs from illegal to socially unacceptable.  So in that vein, you may not:  talk on your cell phone, Handy, while driving, deny or minimize the Jewish Holocaust, display the swastika,  purchase Mein Kampf (Hitler wrote this in prison),  belong to Scientology or Satanism, homeschool your children, run out of gas on the Autobahn, wash your own car in your driveway (due to the run-off), do yard work on Sunday (our neighbors warned us we could be reported!), and say Happy Birthday to someone before the actual day.   

On the other hand, you MUST pay to call the post office, sort your garbage properly, have car and health insurance, wear a helmet when skiing and put winter tires on your car (or insurance won’t pay in the event of an accident.)

Miscellaneous Tidbits Most German taxis are Mercedes. Chancellor Angela Merkel has a Barbie doll named after her.  While it is called Oktoberfest, it actually starts in September.  There are over 1,000 kinds of sausages in Germany. The German Purity Law of 1516 limits the ingredients of German beer to water, hops, and barley.  The German keyboard keeps us hunting for z, y, @, ?, " and / among others and has four additional letters: ä, ü, ö, and β.

Emergency numbers: Police 112, Fire Department 110.  Interestingly, the area code of Nuremberg is 911.  The length of telephone numbers is determined by the population size of the community ranging from 3 digits to 9.  For example, 384 is a complete number.  Approximately 88% of Germans live in cities, 231 people per square km, where the US has 30.  The whole of Germany is as big as Montana.  Can you imagine 85 million people living in Montana?  Where would all the cattle go?

Now you’re prepared to hop the pond yourself and enjoy Deutschland!  Viel Spaβ!